I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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