she was so not down for the gang bang
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
