Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
