I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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