and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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