does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
