haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
