I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize