so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
