Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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