Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
