I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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