I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
