i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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