super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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