She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
