so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
