I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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