Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
