I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
