4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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