I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
