She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
