what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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