He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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