I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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