evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize