im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
