people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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