i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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