no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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