loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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