im six kinds of drunk right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
