You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
