I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
