he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
