I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
