hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
