for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
