A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
