Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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