your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
