She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
