Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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