Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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