I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
