saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
