Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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