Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
