I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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