Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
