I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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