he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
