I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
