the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
