He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize