we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
