I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
