i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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