I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
