We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
