i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just high enough for therapy.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
