After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
