Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
