I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
