who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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