sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
