Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You are a genius and a whore.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
