I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
