Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
