Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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