the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
