Soap is not a condiment
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
