i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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