I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
